your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
