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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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