i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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