Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
