that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
