nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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