wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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