would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
