My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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