my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
