and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
