Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
