Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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