how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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