so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
