I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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