omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
