have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Are my feet made of real feet?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
