So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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