I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
