Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
