fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
