I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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