She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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