how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
