what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
