I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
