hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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