It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
