After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
