so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
