I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
