Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
