i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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