Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's rum buckets o'clock
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
