My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
