I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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