so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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