I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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