True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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