his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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