awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
