so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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