SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
