the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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