he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was born a porn star she said
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
