Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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