You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
