I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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