Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
