I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
