im drinking this country out of the recession.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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