I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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